Recently a friend e-mailed me to share a dining story involving her daughter, who we will call Dorothy.
The extended family (and Toto) were at Auntie Em’s house for dinner. Auntie Em had fixed a delicious meal. Dorothy was the first to go through the family buffet line. She took three pieces of ham. Auntie Em publicly and loudly scolded the young child for taking such a large portion and took some of the ham from her plate. Embarrassed child, embarrassed Mom. Mom’s question for me: Who wins the title for the worse manners offense? Dorothy or Auntie Em?
Dorothy is a child. A child who is learning as she grows. A child whose experiences will shape her life. We Moms can’t beat ourselves up over this kind of stuff. Dorothy did probably what most kids would do. She saw yummy looking food and she took what she wanted. No rudeness intented on her behalf. She was hungry!
Auntie Em should not have publicly scolded the child nor taken ham off her plate. One of the commandments in the etiquette world is Though Shall Not Embarrass Thy Guests. It doesn’t matter if your guest took too much ham or if your guest decided to show up wearing a Speedo to your BBQ. As a host, your job is to set the tone for a warm and welcoming affair – business lunch, family gathering, or team pool party. It doesn’t matter. Embarrassing another person is never good manners. Making others feel comfortable is always in style.
When a guest, limit yourself to one serving until seconds are offered or, in the case of a buffet, when all others have been served. When I teach an etiquette class full of kids, I like to tempt them with an entire tray of cookies or big bowl of M&M’s. Teaching them to take a single serving (which is different than a single M&M!) is an exercise in self-restraint. Trust this chocoholic, even I have a hard time showing restraint with the M&M’s!
This also is a perfect opportunity to remind all parents that as we try to help our kids manage the world, it’s a great idea to discuss potential situations and expectations previous to an event. My friend even wrote that she “should have been more pro-active to set (Dorothy) up for better buffet success” on that evening of “the great family buffet mishap”. Oh well. Next time. It’s hard to anticipate every situation our kids will be in and we all are trying to do our best. Birthday parties, visits with relatives, school lunch room, team sports. Life is full of opportunities to teach our kids great manners. I applaud my friend for sharing her story with us.
I’ll look forward to hearing more mannerly or manner-less stories from the rest of you!
Mind Your Manners,
Kelly
I know that those of you reading this post would never be considered a bore. But in the event that the person you are conversing with begins to yawn uncontrollably or has a sudden case of the head bobs, you may need to recognize that we all can fall into the boring category at some point.
