Since the last blog was about being a Happy Host, I felt the need to balance out the equation and discuss the Gracious Guest.

A favorite saying in the Etiquette World is “Don’t make your host happy twice – once when you arrive and once when you leave.”

Many colorful characters make up the spectrum of bad guests, including the Inappropriate Conversationalist that can’t wait to roll out his latest ethnic jokes and ask fellow guest how much they are earning these days, to the Total Wall Flower that insists upon sitting away from the rest of the group so she can play on her I-Phone. All by herself. Shall I mention the Habitual Late-Comer , arriving at your dinner party 45 minutes late? After you’ve already started to serve dinner.

To ensure that you stay off the “banned for life” list, follow these suggestions for being the type of guest that everyone wants at their event.

RSVP Oh yes. These four letters deserve a blog dedicate to their purpose and I can promise you that you’ll see it soon. But for now, when you are invited to attend a function for any reason – work, social, professional – LET THE HOST KNOW IF  YOU WILL BE ATTENDING! Did I scream that loud enough? And might I add RSVP in a timely fashion - not the morning of the event.

Arrive On Time “On time” may look different depending on the function. I’ll be dedicating a future blog all about this topic too. Be respectful of your hostess’ time and efforts. If you know you are going to be late, let the host know beforehand.

Find The Host Say hello and thank him/her for inviting you. If you bring a hostess gift (a very nice and thoughtful gesture), make sure it does not require immediate attention. Flowers are always popular, but have them in a vase so the host doesn’t have to take the time to cut and arrange the gorgeous stems.

Mix and Mingle You don’t need to be the life of the party, but you always should take the time to introduce yourself to those you don’t know and engage in conversation. Most likely, you were invited because the host wants you there. The hosts enjoys all things You and wants others to have the same great experience! Have fun in getting to know different people. Be open to new opportunities through conversations.

Time to Put On Your Smiley Face No one likes a downer. Be upbeat. No complaining or criticizing.

Offer to Help If your host has prepared a delicious dinner for you, offer to help by filling up the water glasses beforehand or with clean up afterwards. No need to pull out the Comet and start scrubbing the sink, but “peripheral” help is almost always appreciated. I’ll often insist that the guests stay put while I clear the dishes and I honestly want them to stay put. When I entertain, I consider it a gift I extend to my friends. It makes me happy when others are enjoying themselves and relaxing. Lesson: always offer, but don’t insist if the host replies with a no thank you.

Respect Respect the host’s house and belongings. Remember the movie Meet The Focker’s: the roaming of  future in-laws house, searching the medicine cabinet,  falling from the window? I think dogs were involved as well. Don’t let that be you. Make a mess, clean it up. Clog a toilet, get a plunger. Yikes! Definitely don’t let that be you!

Leave on Time Don’t overstay your welcome. Leave them wanting more of fabulous You at a future date.

Saying Thank You Before you leave, find the host and extend a heartfelt thank you. A timely and hand-written thank you note is always appreciated. For the more casual of occasions, a phone call or e-mail the next day is also a great way to tell your host that you enjoyed yourself.

The most perfect way to thank your host for their hospitality is to be a gracious guest.

Mind Your Manners,

Kelly

With summer comes graduation parties, cookouts with friends, and the occasion to hang out with neighbors by the pool. Hooray! Entertaining can be loads of fun, but too often we don’t host a gathering because the thought of it is overwhelming.

Want to be The Hostess with the Mostess? Consider these pointers for happy hosting:

Invite the Right Mix of Guests: Think about your purpose for hosting the event. Small or large gathering? Fancy or casual? Only friends from work? Lots of cool friends from your different worlds (work, neighborhood, church) that you’d like to introduce to each other? Adults or families? If having a small dinner party, consider your guest list and seat appropriately. Above all else, people make a gathering. There is nothing better than gathering those you cherish.

Be Welcoming: As your guest arrive, be available to welcome them. I’m talking about a warm welcome that lets them know that you are happy that they are there. I was impressed this week when our family attended a graduation party and the high school graduate broke away from his friends upon our arrival to welcome us. That Mama taught her son well!

Introduce Your Guests to Each Other: Hook  up the new family on the block with the people who have kids of similar age. Do your part of being a conversation Match Maker. Guy from work trying to be a wall flower? Don’t let it happen! Pull him in! This is the true work of being a good hostess. Mix and mingle my friends. Mix and mingle.

Have Enough Food and Drink: You don’t need 20 dishes. Offer fewer items, but have plenty. KISS – Keep it Simple Silly. Featuring a theme drink if you are having a grown-up party always is festive.  Sugar Plum Martinis are the center stage of our annual Bunco Christmas dinner at my house.

Don’t Be A Wonder-Host: If you fall into the category of “I don’t know how to cook/select wine/get cool tunes on my I-Pod….” don’t sweat it. Reach out to those that ARE good at those things. Ask the friend who rocks at putting together the party music  if he would be willing to bring along his tunes. Use your BFF’s Wine Snob status to your advantage and take her along for the ride when you select the beverages (make sure you have non-alcoholic drinks for the non-drinkers too). Who said you need to cook everything? Cater a portion of the spread or make it a pot luck. People love sharing their favorite dishes. Friends may want to co-host with you. They get to experience all the fun of hosting a party, but don’t need to clean their house beforehand! Sweeeeet!

Remember the Play Date Basics You Teach Your Kids: Your guests get the very best you have to offer and they always go first.

Plan Ahead:Get as much done as you can in advance. It makes the day/night of your shindig much more relaxing for you. You’ll be able to enjoy your company and they will be able to enjoy you. Don’t feel like your patio needs to look like a page from Pottery Barn or Better Homes and Gardens. The warm and friendly atmosphere you create will far outweigh the “stuff” (although I must admit I have a bit of an obsession with cute, coordinating paper products and funny cocktail napkins).

Just Do It! Don’t be so caught up in having everything “just so” that you never entertain. Often the simplest of gatherings are the best. Invite the neighbors over for dessert or make your own ice cream sundaes. Pull out a few bottles of wine, some gourmet cheeses and invite three or four couples over for drinks. Invite families over and watch the kids run through the sprinkler or have a water balloon fight. We love a good game of adults vs. kids kick ball, although sadly enough our kids are getting older and can serve up a good whompin’ to the adults.

A Final Thank You: Always say good bye to your guests and thank them (yes, they will thank you too) for coming. A close friend of mine always takes the time to send a quick e-mail or text thanking me for coming to her annual luncheon. It’s a classy touch.

A gracious host does not have to be all things Martha. A gracious host makes his/her guest feel welcomed by the warmth he/she exudes. Appreciate the joy in entertaining as you surround yourself with friends and loved-ones. Happy Entertaining!

Mind Your Manners,

Kelly